So I waited up all night again because He said he would call me at lunch his time...NO CALL !!!

I am so tired of this waiting crap! I hate when someone tells me they will do something and they dont!!! It pisses me off more than anything. I know he is busy,He doesn't have to tell me when he is gonna call next. Because I know there will be times we wont be able to talk for a while. But if you say you are gonna call me at lunch, even if its for 2 minutes then do it or dont say you will. I miss him like crazy and I love him more than I thought I ever could Love someone. I hate the distance between us and the time difference drives me crazy. I try to keep pushing the doubts from my mind but sometimes they crowd my brain! 14 months of this is gonna drive me bonkers. I am an honest person an I always say how I am feeling and what is on my mind whether I need to or not. So I dont know, if my email scarred him or what. But all my email was about is what we have already talked about. It was talking about marriage and that I would be proud to one day be called a proud army wife! Also that the time has shown me that I wouldn't mind waking up to his face everyday. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I dont know what to do anymore. I know he Loves me! His dad tells me he is crazy about me... So why do I still have doubts that he feels the same as I do??? I dont know, all I can is keep waiting and hope to get to talk to him soon :)

Venting Wishing I could be Stronger & Not Miss Him So Much!!!

Okay so My Love,My Soldier left for Korea over a Week ago now. He Was in Ft. Brag before and me not having a car and his being in his home state we couldn't see eachother before he left. So I haven't seen him face 2 face in over a month. He will be gone 14 months. I have tried to be strong but the harder I try the harder it seems not to cry. I don't have alot of Support from my side, most think I am crazy for deciding to wait for him to return. Alot of people told me to jsut make a clean break and restart our relationship when he returns. I listen to my heart and I know he is my One and Only, My Soulmate,My Missing Puzzle Piece. We are unoffically engaged and even though he hasn't offically proposed face to face we are deciding to get married when he returns. He says I am the Strongest Person he knows, and alot of my friends say the same thing. Usually I am Great at being strong or acting like I am fine and hading everything with a HUGE Fake Smile. But This time it's different... Everyone knows I am not okay, I cannot hide my pain of missing him. I have been married before,and I thought I was in Love before... But the Honest truth is I have Never Felt this way before for any other human person. I never missed my ex husband when he was away,I looked at it as a break. Not with My Soldier, Even 1 day apart I am missing him,It's like I am missing the part my Heart needs to work properley. Tim knows this, I told him that, even my ex Husband knows that we are engaged and that I was wrong because now I know what true love is. I have been hurt before, too many times to count so yes doubts do come in my mind. Not if He loves me or not... I know He Loves me, I and everyone else can see it. With all of his family and friends They all say He wont shut up about me lol Most of his family already love me and they haven't even met me jsut because what they have heard. My Ex Husband I was with for 10 years and when I got sick in 2006 everything changed, he started being abusive cheating and just not really being a dad to our children at all. Well He decided to Leave me and his kids after having a secret affair I never knew of for 4 years. he left us for her, which tore me apart. I almost gave up on Love all together because I didn't think my heart could take anymore heartbreak. Until I met Tim. Once We met face 2 face, I can't explain what I felt but there was a spark we both felt it because we were still basically strangers, only seen eachother thru emails,phone and skype but never face to face. It was the perfect moment and perfect Kiss and we have been inseperable ever since. I Know God Brought me him and we were meant for eachother. We are like the same person as one. He is a Big Dork and Huge Goofball but I Love that and everything about him. He can make me laugh without saying a word. He can make me smile by just 1 word,and he makes my heart skip a beat every time he smiles at me.  I have been secretly planning our wedding to keep my mind busy and off of missin ghim and it worked for about 3 days lol. I have also tryed listening to music,looking at pictures and remembering memories, at first it worked great. Now it jsut makes me cry and miss him more. I have lost my apetite and my body doesn't remember what sleep is anymore... I rarely sleep anymore... I am just never tired anymore. I still have to be up and awake at 6am every morning and I still am a Busy Disabled Stay at Home Mom of two. I still Bust my ass to take care of my kids. Even my kids miss him, and they see I do. I am supposed to see him in July, so I have been trying to hold on to that, but lately it just seems to get harder and harder. i miss talking to him and I so wanna just call him but I know I cant. I wish I could! I jsut really hope I hear from him soon.....