So I waited up all night again because He said he would call me at lunch his time...NO CALL !!!

I am so tired of this waiting crap! I hate when someone tells me they will do something and they dont!!! It pisses me off more than anything. I know he is busy,He doesn't have to tell me when he is gonna call next. Because I know there will be times we wont be able to talk for a while. But if you say you are gonna call me at lunch, even if its for 2 minutes then do it or dont say you will. I miss him like crazy and I love him more than I thought I ever could Love someone. I hate the distance between us and the time difference drives me crazy. I try to keep pushing the doubts from my mind but sometimes they crowd my brain! 14 months of this is gonna drive me bonkers. I am an honest person an I always say how I am feeling and what is on my mind whether I need to or not. So I dont know, if my email scarred him or what. But all my email was about is what we have already talked about. It was talking about marriage and that I would be proud to one day be called a proud army wife! Also that the time has shown me that I wouldn't mind waking up to his face everyday. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I dont know what to do anymore. I know he Loves me! His dad tells me he is crazy about me... So why do I still have doubts that he feels the same as I do??? I dont know, all I can is keep waiting and hope to get to talk to him soon :)

Venting Wishing I could be Stronger & Not Miss Him So Much!!!

Okay so My Love,My Soldier left for Korea over a Week ago now. He Was in Ft. Brag before and me not having a car and his being in his home state we couldn't see eachother before he left. So I haven't seen him face 2 face in over a month. He will be gone 14 months. I have tried to be strong but the harder I try the harder it seems not to cry. I don't have alot of Support from my side, most think I am crazy for deciding to wait for him to return. Alot of people told me to jsut make a clean break and restart our relationship when he returns. I listen to my heart and I know he is my One and Only, My Soulmate,My Missing Puzzle Piece. We are unoffically engaged and even though he hasn't offically proposed face to face we are deciding to get married when he returns. He says I am the Strongest Person he knows, and alot of my friends say the same thing. Usually I am Great at being strong or acting like I am fine and hading everything with a HUGE Fake Smile. But This time it's different... Everyone knows I am not okay, I cannot hide my pain of missing him. I have been married before,and I thought I was in Love before... But the Honest truth is I have Never Felt this way before for any other human person. I never missed my ex husband when he was away,I looked at it as a break. Not with My Soldier, Even 1 day apart I am missing him,It's like I am missing the part my Heart needs to work properley. Tim knows this, I told him that, even my ex Husband knows that we are engaged and that I was wrong because now I know what true love is. I have been hurt before, too many times to count so yes doubts do come in my mind. Not if He loves me or not... I know He Loves me, I and everyone else can see it. With all of his family and friends They all say He wont shut up about me lol Most of his family already love me and they haven't even met me jsut because what they have heard. My Ex Husband I was with for 10 years and when I got sick in 2006 everything changed, he started being abusive cheating and just not really being a dad to our children at all. Well He decided to Leave me and his kids after having a secret affair I never knew of for 4 years. he left us for her, which tore me apart. I almost gave up on Love all together because I didn't think my heart could take anymore heartbreak. Until I met Tim. Once We met face 2 face, I can't explain what I felt but there was a spark we both felt it because we were still basically strangers, only seen eachother thru emails,phone and skype but never face to face. It was the perfect moment and perfect Kiss and we have been inseperable ever since. I Know God Brought me him and we were meant for eachother. We are like the same person as one. He is a Big Dork and Huge Goofball but I Love that and everything about him. He can make me laugh without saying a word. He can make me smile by just 1 word,and he makes my heart skip a beat every time he smiles at me.  I have been secretly planning our wedding to keep my mind busy and off of missin ghim and it worked for about 3 days lol. I have also tryed listening to music,looking at pictures and remembering memories, at first it worked great. Now it jsut makes me cry and miss him more. I have lost my apetite and my body doesn't remember what sleep is anymore... I rarely sleep anymore... I am just never tired anymore. I still have to be up and awake at 6am every morning and I still am a Busy Disabled Stay at Home Mom of two. I still Bust my ass to take care of my kids. Even my kids miss him, and they see I do. I am supposed to see him in July, so I have been trying to hold on to that, but lately it just seems to get harder and harder. i miss talking to him and I so wanna just call him but I know I cant. I wish I could! I jsut really hope I hear from him soon.....

A Poem he Wrote Me

My Angel

Some people believe, there is a one
The one who points, your way to the sun.
A person they believe, makes them complete
The one who will support, when facing defeat

'You are my angel', my one and only
My forever love, so we'll never be lonely.
You've brought to my life, all your love and care
It made me see, when I realized how rare . .
It is to meet your angel, or their lifetime one
Through you and your children, my life has begun.

What you've done, you've illuminated my soul
It's you and your love, that has made me whole.
The feel of your love, your soft touch and caress
We're tight so close, your heart beats in my chest.

You have opened my heart and held it so dear
You are my angel and will always keep it near.
You have seen my ups and cared when I was low.
'You are my angel', I just need you to know.

You entered my life, through a ray of sun above
And when we leave, we will leave together in love
My love for you, has become my reason to be
I hope one day you'll find, your angel in me.
Lots os Love ~ XOXO ~ Your G.I.Joe Tim ,
 I Love you Baby, More than You will ever know! :~)

So My Soldier Leaves Tomorrow...

So my Soldier Leaves Tomorrow, and he has gotten everything together and has o be at the airport in my State for a 3hour layover in the morning before his direct flight over seas for 1 year. I am trying be as strong as I can for him and myself. But it hurts me that he will be so close yet still so far away and I wont be able to see him off or tell him "I'll See Ya Soon".  We have been talking on the phone as much as we can before he leaves though, so It has made it easier. Also he said he will call me in the morning when he arriaves and before he boards the Plane so we can talk befor ehe leaves. I have been an emotional wreck for about a week, I Already havent seen my Soldier in 25 days and now I will have to wait 1 whole year til we meet again. I am trying to be strong for myself as well as him. He was in tears the first time we talked ttoday when I told him i wouldn;t be able to make it to the airport. he said he is going crazy missing me. I told him he has no idea how much I miss him. He is my Heart and Soul and I Love him more than I thought was humanly possiable. I am dertemined to be strong and I keep telling myself that the wait is Worth True Love and Happiness and He is worth the wait as well. I dont know how I will be tomorrow though when he leaves but I am gonna try to stay strong and fight off my tears.

A Poem I wrote to My Man...

A Protected Heart

I always kept my heart protected
By a fortress big and tall
I never expected you to affect me
Somehow you made it fall

My feelings for you surprised me
I didn’t know love was coming my way
Every thing fell into place
And all of my worries went away

You’ve taken away my reason to fear
You’ve helped me to give love a try
I have no reasons to be sad anymore
And no reason to hurt or cry

My heart tells me you’ll always be true
I know this is something that will last
I can forget about all the bad things
That have gone on in the past

It might have been by chance we met
Or it may be by luck or fate
But in my heart I will always believe
You are my one true sole mate!

How It all Began...

Well this is how it all begun...

I was on a site called http://www.myyearbook.com/ for a while,& I had a few penpals on there that were in the Military and deployed. Well I started talking,emailing,iming,& eventually skyping and talking on the phone whenever we could to my now Boyfriend Tim. We started talking in May just as friends,talking about what we had been through and just about ourselves.
Well we were talking every day and sometimes several times a day when he could. Well come to find out he got stationed in my Home state of Georgia when he returned from Iraq. The day after he Returned,he drove 3hours to my house to meet me. From the moment we met, it was like we had known eachother for years. There was a spark that neither of us could explain, nor ever felt before. Now it has been 6 Wonderful Months and We have fallen madly in love. Neither of us planned or expected this to happen. We have both been hurt before. Too much heart break, and we were both very close to giving up on Love all together... We met and the more we got to know eachother the harder we fell for eachother. It's like it was fate or meant to be. We have both been thru the same kinda hurt and pain thru our lives. We were reading eachothers minds and finnishing eachothers sentences after about 2 months. He has made my life complete.. before he came into my life,I felt empty and like there was something missing. I feel like he is my Missing Puzzle Piece that I needed to make my Heart work properlly. We both tell eachother we re the best! Well I have never been in a Military Realationship before. I am still learning as it is, but I have already learned I dont like when the Army changes dates and times at last minute. We had special times scheduled and we would have to rearrange everything because of Dates and times being changed at a moments notice. Also I am trying to get used to him Leaving,which right now I HATE. We already didn't get to see eachother that often as it is...  We were 3 hours apart, So I am already used to Skype Dates lol. But Now My Soldier is leaving for 1 year in less than 48 hours... I am dreading the day,espically since I wont be able to tell him goodbye face 2 face. To me that is gonan be the hardest part. But we agreed to do as when he was in Iraq and email,skype and talk as much as we can even if its 5 mins. I have good days and bad days. Sometimes I feel like I am on an Emotional Roller Coaster and cannot get off. There are days that anything and everything reminds me of him, as well as there is days that everything sends me into tears. Then there are days when I am perfectly fine. I haven't seen my Soldier in 25Days already, so I guess that is what makes it that much harder for me to let him go... and say Goodbye. Well that is all for now... I will update with another Blog, thanx to whoever read it :D